Seeing Systems - Barry Oshry

Meeting with a client last week for an executive coaching session, it was rewarding to have my client use a quote from a publication I mentioned to him several years ago, i.e. Seeing Sytems, by Barry Oshry. I think this book is an excellent 'primer' for anyone navigating the turbulent waters of change. Here's the quote:

There is no "We,"
There is no "Them,"
There is only You
and Me
and all of Us
And then the Dance begins

I'm involved in quite a few 'Dances' at the present. How do we 'see' the dances when we are in them?

"We can monitor our own behaviour. We can coach one another. We can take a stand for partnership. We can pay attention to our feelings.

Effective conversations

In seeking some inspiration to assist in the conversations I'm having, particularly about change, in and around client organisations, I turned, as I have in the past, to Meg Wheatley's excellent book, 'Turning to One Another - simple conversations to restore hope to the future'. Her advice to us in trying to host meaningful conversations it to practice several new behaviours through a number of principles. These are:

• We acknowledge one another as equals


• We try to stay curious about each other


• We recognise that we need each other's help to become better listeners


• We slow down so we have time to think and reflect


• We remember that conversation is the natural way humans think together


• We expect it to be messy at times

As Wheatley says, "the practice of conversation takes courage, faith and time. We don't get it right first time, and we don't have to... as we risk talking to each other about something we care about, as we become curious about each other, as we slow things down, gradually we remember this timeless way of being together. Our rushed and thoughtless behaviours fade away, and we sit quietly in the gift of being together, just as we have always done."

How frequently do we make the time and have the courage to slow down, reflect, recognise those behaviours that keep us apart, ostensibly in the name of being a hard-headed 'leader' or change 'manager?' We've actually been rewarded in the past for behaviours that keep us apart, e.g. speaking too fast, interrupting others, giving speeches or pronouncements, and people reach positions of influence and power through their use too. Yet these behaviours do not lead to quality thought or healthy relationships - they tend more to drive us apart and keep us apart.

Using the principles above and returning to more effective behaviours to host meaningful conversations must be a goal for all of us who have the responsibility to lead organisations through change.